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The two women were different, but they both wanted the same thing, to stop smoking. For both of them, the process began a while back. I had met Judy (of course a fictitious name) 4 or 5 years ago at a business event. I had introduced myself as a hypnotist and explained the different things that I can help people deal with, such as weight loss, fears, sleep issues and probably the most common issue which is to stop smoking. We exchanged business cards and that was it for the time being. I had met Susan (again a fictitious name) at a restaurant we would visit frequently. She too learned of my services, yet did not express any particular interest in them at the time. Eventually both did.
Sometime after our first meeting we ran into Judy at a business luncheon and she asked me several questions about our program to help people to stop smoking. I explained and she listened. The one thing I told her was that the most important factor needed to be her desire to stop which had to be 100%, nothing less. Being a good businessperson, I asked her if she thought she was ready to stop and wanted to book an appointment? At the time she said, “No”, but that she would definitely let me know when she was ready.
A few months later I was going to hold a group session for smoking cessation for the recognition of World Hypnotism Day, at the same time it being a fundraiser for a local charity. Susan had heard about this, asked a few more questions, and signed up. Now being a group session the cost was considerably less (about the price of a carton of cigarettes) than our private stop smoking program. And I told her, as I did Judy, that she must be 100% committed to the change and again, nothing less. I also told her that with the group sessions the success rate is not as high as private sessions since I cannot give individual attention to her and her specific subconscious needs. I also told her that it is a good way to find out about hypnosis without investing a lot of money. We have also always given the standard offer that the amount you spend at one of our group sessions would be applied to a private session if you wanted to continue in that manner. She seemed fine with this.
Around January 4 we had our fundraiser and Judy was there with a number of other people. I talked to her as I did the others there, questioning them on what they expected. Have they ever been hypnotized before? How committed are they? And at some point I heard Judy say, “Well, if it doesn’t work, the money is going to a good cause.” I thought this to be a nice gesture, but knew that it was also an indicator of less than 100% commitment. Eventually I began the program and did what is called a pre-talk. I explained about hypnosis, what it is and it is not, what kind of sensation they might feel, and just about anything else I could think of. There is more to the pre-talk, but the one point that I emphasize is the need for total commitment. Then at the end of the pre-talk and before the actual hypnosis began, I said it was time to decide. There would be no charge if they wanted to leave now, but if they stayed, they were to make their checks out to the charity and we would begin. She stayed, paid and we did the program.
About a week after the group session, I saw Susan and I asked her how she was doing. She replied, “Not good, didn’t work on me.” Naturally I had a brief moment of disappointment, but it passed quickly. I remembered Susan’s comment at the group session and to myself, doubted her sincerity when she said she was ready to stop. I then said that even though she only paid the group rate, to give me a call and let’s see what we can do to help her to be successful. She never called. That was well over a year ago and I would still see her at the restaurant and sometimes out back, smoking. More recently, I have not seen her there working or even out back. Then several weeks ago I ran into her and she had oxygen tubes around her head and running up to her nose, attached to a small oxygen tank she was carrying. I was surprised to see that she was in poor health and asked what was wrong. She said she had pneumonia and was slowly getting better. Half jokingly I said, “I’ll bet you stopped smoking now.” With a straight face she said, “Oh no, I still have cigarettes at home I’m going to smoke when I’m better and off this thing.” I don’t know if she noticed the expression on my face or not, but it was hard to disguise my feelings of, “Wow! You don’t want to quit after this?” I bit my tongue and wished her good health. My tongue still hurts from that one. Remembering back on the group session, I had calls from others who were there asking me when I was going to do it again and that they had friends who wanted to come since they stopped smoking.
Recently Judy called me and said she was ready to stop smoking now. I said great and asked if she would prefer a morning or afternoon appointment. Mornings were fine with her and we set the date. On that scheduled date and time, she arrived. We sat and talked for a while. I explained the process, the pre-talk again, and she asked some questions. She insisted she was ready and, “Today is the day!” I said, “OK” and guided her into hypnosis. When we were done, she paid me and left excited about what had just happened.
When Judy left, I gave her positive words like I do for every client. Nothing doubtful. I thought that maybe at another business meeting or luncheon we would bump into each other and she would tell me how she was doing. Not that I am not caring, but I do not dwell on past clients. I do want them to succeed, but also understand, my part is done and their commitment must have been sincere. I have given them tools to deal with the possibilities of problems and for all of my stop smoking clients I give the offer that they can come back with one year for a follow-up visit at no charge. But they have to call me if they need it.
About a week ago I got an email from Judy. She was so happy yet surprised that she was doing so well. It was the longest she has gone without a cigarette in 20+ years. She practices the hypnosis tools we taught her and knows they will be there for her if she ever needs them. She was truly 100% committed to the program of becoming a non-smoker. She did it. I was her guide.
I am sorry that Susan’s health is poor, but her own actions contributed to it. I am by no means saying that I’m perfect, or that anybody is. But rather, we do have some control over our fates. We permit others and things to control our lives by default sometimes. Judy decided once and for all, it was time to take charge of her life and never let the monsters of cigarettes control her again. Great job Judy!
It seems my blog had vanished for a while. I reposted the blogs I had up before but all of the comments were lost. A new blog entry will be upload in the next day or so. I hope you check it out.
Roger
5/4/10
In the last Observations of Life I wrote about how I enjoy good comedy. This can include the funnies that I read in the newspapers, a comedy movie, books of jokes and humorous stories, collections of comic strips, comedians and more. And I can enjoy many different styles and levels of comedy. I can laugh at a simple joke that I never heard before told to me by a seven-year-old child. A sophisticated or intellectual long-winded tale with an unexpected punch line can also tickle my cerebral funny bone (strange metaphor). Good humor is healthy for your body and mind, it makes you feel good, and is just plain fun. But I will admit that I have been getting very tired of what I will call negative or bellyaching humor. That is humor I hear from any comedian that starts out with complaints about something. The comedian will tell of something that they think is personally upsetting. A little of this can go a long way with me. I find it strange that these comedians make a living trying to be funny when everything is upsetting to them. They seem to lead such dark lives. There are some who wear all black, almost as to emphasize this darkness, themself, and their performance. To this I say, “Enough already!”
I am just going to share something a little different in this week. These are the things I enjoy in life, have fun with, and that make me smile inside and out. Some of them may seem a little strange to you, but that’s OK because it’s my list. Also, it is not to make you laugh, but maybe to give you a smile or two. Some of these are lighthearted and some very heartfelt. So my Observation of Life this week is just a list of some of the things I have found that make me feel good about my life. It’s not all touchy/feely. There’s guy stuff listed, too. Again it’s just my list. I will suggest that this can be a good exercise for anybody. Please note that these are in no particular order.
1. Orange Jello.
2. Calvin and Hobbs.
3. Modern medicine.
4. Rain on a summer night while at our camp in the mountains.
5. Rubber duckies on the dash of my van.
6. Hearing my children and grandchildren laugh.
7. Seeing any one of a thousand photos of them.
8. A good mystery novel or movie.
9. Early Bill Cosby records.
10. Snow on Christmas Eve.
11. Watching my daughter perform on stage.
12. Getting mail or a call from a friend I haven’t heard from for a long time.
13. Making someone laugh or smile.
14. Holding a child’s hand.
15. Tools and getting to use them.
16. Computers when they work right.
17. Things that are chocolate – milk, ice cream, chips (as in cookies), bars (with almonds).
18. Hearing a sincere, “Thank you”.
19. Being able to give someone flowers that we grew.
20. Bright sunny days.
21. Going to places we haven’t been before.
22. Hearing things that make me think and learn something new.
23. Knowing something I have done matters.
24. Pizza
25. My faith.
26. A great night’s sleep.
27. Digging out the old photographs and sharing them with the family.
28. Fixing things.
29. Helping people fix themselves.
30. Finding just the right words.
31. Finding Patti.
Well that’s my short list. And even after I finish this, I will think of many more. Some not mentioned may have more meaning and/or importance, but it is a start. Maybe I will continue at a later date. I am thankful for all the smiles I have been given. I hope this made you smile a little too.
Roger & Patricia Willard©2009
Anyone who has read past newsletters knows that I appreciate good humor. I enjoy the daily and Sunday funnies, books of collections of those funnies, joke books, good stand-up comics, comedy movies and almost anything that can make you laugh. In the sixties Bill Cosby made his initial mark as a comedian. I wrote before about his comedy routines such as Noah, 10,000 cop cars and the Chicken Heart. Another one was called a Show in Every (subway) Car. He recounts his strange and wonderfully funny observations/experiences on a subway car. You could be entertained with the different people and what they were doing in any subway car. Bill Cosby had/has great people-watching skills and discovers the humor in everyday experiences. That is what makes his humor so funny. You know it is based on real things, with maybe a little exaggeration.
One of the places I get to watch the world is at our local convenience store. Most mornings I take a little time and enjoy a breakfast sandwich in front of the store. I get to see and talk to some friends that come and go, watch people look at my “Hypno-Van” and sometimes answer questions about hypnosis when asked. Usually I get some free entertainment on my visits there. You could say it’s a Free Show at Every Convenience Store every day. Sometimes people will pull up with an expired vehicle inspection sticker. And if you mention it to them they express thanks or they say, “I’m getting it taken care of later today,” and speed off to make an appointment. Others will leave their vehicles running with keys in the ignition, leaving them open to theft. I haven’t seen any cars stolen there, but by being there is probably enough to deter this. I have heard of them being stolen at other times. I also get a kick out of some people who come there with a strange idea of what looks good. Some women will be wearing full makeup yet do nothing with their hair and wear an outfit that had no thought about it at all (pajamas, sweats, or men’s clothing two sizes too big). A guys will drive up in cars that are clean and polished, decked out with a mega-watt stereo system to impress the girls, yet they will wear a tee shirt, pants that don’t fit (how they stay up I don’t know) and a cap worn backwards that looks like it has not been off his head for several days. It’s a wonderful show that people give you if you just take the time to watch.
Recently I had one of those experiences that made me chuckle and help confirm my thoughts about smokers and the great show they put on with their unusual antics. It was around 8:30 a.m. and I had purchased my breakfast sandwich and filled my soda cup. I left the store and stood by a covered trash container, placing my drink cup on top of it while I ate the sandwich. Even though it was mid-November and there was a light drizzle, it was still nice enough to stand outside and enjoy my brief breakfast. A mini-van pulled up and parked directly in front of me. A middle-aged woman who was smoking a cigarette eventually got out. As she closed the door she took the cigarette out of her mouth and just as she was stepping up on the curb in front of the store, she stopped. She turned toward the front of the van and delicately placed the cigarette butt first into the seam of the front fender and the hood of the wet van causing it to stand straight up. She obviously did this to preserve her “smoke” until she came back out of the store and continue the process sucking smoke into her lungs. As she was in the store I did a quick mental calculation. A pack of cigarettes are about $5.00 a pack here in this part of Pennsylvania. With twenty to a pack, each cigarette is worth about twenty-five cents. She had smoked half of it already, so what was left was worth only about twelve and a half cents. So when she did come out, picked up her cigarette and put it in her mouth, she also wiped up the wet dirt and grim that was on the mini-van. The mild drizzle did not do a good job of cleaning the vehicle off. And as she did this, I wondered what she would have said if I had said to her, “Would you lick your van for twelve and a half cents?” I am sure she would have thought me strange and either ignored me, questioned my sanity, or given me some kind of hand sign to mind my own business. But the fact is, what she just did was that. Her cigarette had licked the van when she placed it there and again when she retrieved it. When she put it in her mouth, it is as she just licked the van on a rainy day. All for twelve and a half cents.
Smoking makes people do strange things and many times, they don’t realize how strange they are. If they thought about them, they would probably say to themselves, “Why did I just do that?” But why do they smoke anyway? I am sure the chemicals that they are inhaling into their body from the cigarettes are far more harmful than what she could lick off her van. Today almost everyone knows smoking just doesn’t make any sense. But people do it everyday and new smokers start everyday and they all know it’s not good for them.
But as a hypnotist, I know that smoking is not logical and most people don’t think when they start. And when they finally get smart enough to stop, they don’t know how. Smoking is a subconscious habit, and for many it has emotional attachments to it. But people can stop and hypnosis is a powerful tool to help people to stop if they sincerely want to. For many hypnosis is the means of last resort. And for many hypnosis is what finally works.
So if you are a smoker, what hoops are you going through to smoke? How has it set you apart from a normal life? What outrageous things are you doing to continue smoking that we might find entertaining?
Roger & Patricia Willard©2009
He ever so slightly turned his head to the side with a slight tilt upward, creating the cliched effect of “looking down one’s nose” at someone. Once he established his superiority over his victim, he said, “I’m not going to lie to you, but……”. In doing this he implies that he is an honest person and it is his obligation to tell the person only the truth. I witnessed this event a number of years ago and it made me think. What was really going on? Why did he say that? What was he really saying? What was his motive for saying that?
Even early on, like most, I learned about body language before I knew it was body language. And this person could not control his as much as he may have tried. It spoke, no screamed, more about him than he ever would have confessed about himself. His words were carefully chosen to aid his masquerade of what his true intentions were. His intentions were not to be honest, but rather to inflict sting of a verbal dagger. He could not have cared less about truth, but rather, how he could make the other person suffer.
I don’t remember what the victim had asked. It may have been something about her appearance. There may have actually been a bit of truth in the response, but it was delivered in a way to cause the most damage to the other person’s soul. It was not a “Let me hold your hand, what I have to tell you is hard for me to do, but I love you and feel you should know” answer. It was a, “You asked and I’m going to tell you and I’m going to enjoy making you hurt” answer.
Now I knew both the victim and the perpetrator. The so called honest person was not. On occasions he would talk friendly to people he wanted, with a lie here and there so as not to offend them, but after they left, he would critically rip them apart, and enjoyed it. His choice of lying and telling the truth was one of convenience for himself and his pleasure in hurting others.
At times, as with children, we tell innocent lies to encourage them and develop self-esteem. Later on as they grow, we you slowly decrease false praise and teach them that sometimes they have to do better. It is part of growing up. One must learn that the real world doesn’t continue praise when you don’t deserve it. And even at times when you do, it may not come. We learn that truth can be necessary for our own self-evaluation and sometimes we need to get honest answers so we can see where we must improve in our lives. And that doesn’t come from those who revel in our deficiencies, but rather from those who truly care about us and who will honestly, with great pain on their part, give us constructive criticism. And as hard and painful as it may be on our part, we should listen.
Why did the “honest person” do this to you? It could be one of many reasons. Was it because of his own low self-esteem? Did he, in some warped way, believe you to be a threat to people and must inflict damage on others first before someone does it to him? Was it the way he dealt with everyone to keep himself at a safe distance so as not to get hurt? Or was it because he just enjoys being mean?
Ever since that day, I work at not being that kind of “honest” person. It is not easy in that you know sometimes you have to tell someone something and it may not go well. You know that it could hurt your relationship with that person. You know how you would feel if it happened to you. Sometimes the truth needs to be said to help the other person, and you don’t have any wrongful motive in doing it. And sometimes, a kind yet less than honest word is fine. There will be no harm done and all will be ok in the world. There are many factors to consider when sharing thoughts and opinions and we do it constantly everyday. Good people know when to tell the truth in a way that is meant to help and not hurt. Good people know when to tell an innocent lie and not for some self-serving purpose. And since we are human, we are not perfect, and should just do our best to strive everyday to become like those good people.
Roger & Patricia Willard©2009
I call this what you are reading, Observation of Life. That is a title. But what is it really? Because it is on the web, it is called a blog. If on printed paper it may be called a feature article. Some may even tag it as a commentary. Sometimes, an editorial. Maybe it is a little of all of the above. But for me, it is fairly simple. These words are my thoughts, reflections and self-discovered insights that have been given life in that I can share them with you on these pages. But the new readers to this deserve some background information on these thoughts I share with them.
First, I am very fortunate that I have been able to do this for several years now, first in our newsletter and now here in this blog. And for those of you who don’t know, none of this would be possible without the work done behind the scene by my wife Patti. Patti proofreads almost everything I write, and without her help, there would be more mistakes, misspelled words, typos, grammatical errors, and less focused thoughts when they get completely off track. Without her help, this just would not be possible. Sometimes I do write a few things for online, such as on Facebook, some quick notes, emails and other minor things that don’t require such perfection and most people will still understand. But here her help is necessary. But the initial origin of the concepts, insights, experiences, stories and finally, the reflections I post here are mine.
Obviously, since these are my thoughts and experiences, when I write, I will use “I” a lot. It is not to be self-centered, but rather to be self-revealing. I do have points I want to cover, ideas to share and usually an insight or two I hope people will find valuable. But behind all of this there is a hidden insight. Most of you will not see it. Honestly, I did not see if myself right away, but it was there. And the more I write, the more it reveals itself……. to me.
In the process of writing these, I put myself through a process of coming up with: what is my main point, a theme, and what story/stories I can use to wrap around the theme to get to the point and so on. Sometimes I have a few ideas on what I am going to write. Sometimes I have to work a little harder to find them, but they do come. But behind all of them is one insight that keeps coming back just to me. And it has changed my life.
Again, the “I” or “me” is about something that happened to me or something I have seen happen to others. On those things when I write about my observations of others, I usually try to make a point that causes the reader to take pause, reflect and do some self-examination. One of the things I wrote about in one of my experiences, causes me again to ask the reader to reflect. At times I may point out how something affected me. I have been critical of others and their actions in some of my writing. I suggest that there is room to grow and learn. And I sincerely hope the readers benefit from this. But behind all of this are my faults.
When a writer writes with hopes of revealing some tremendous insights, there may be an assumption of “I know better than you” or that “I don’t screw up”. I hope I have never come across like that. In reality I write from experience of having made countless mistakes of all kinds in my life. I will still make mistakes, but I work everyday to minimize them as much as possible. And in doing these writings, I am quietly admitting my imperfections. And the big insight is that I did learn and continue to learn things from my experiences. And that is why I write these thoughts. Not to proclaim any superiority on my part, but rather to admit I have made mistakes and in most cases, to tell others not to do the same. Some of my mistakes have been more costly than others, but still, a price that had to be paid. So as your read these words, understand there was an experience that caused me to want to write about it. Sometimes I want to write due to my mistakes and sometimes it was from listening to other people who shared their mistakes so I won’t make the same one.
This was a non-hypnosis related entry this week. In future writings I will try to touch on hypnosis and some thoughts on it. I will always give some kind of observation. They may just be simple things that I found interesting, amusing, and entertaining and hopefully I’ll throw out an insight or two. Just to forewarn you, sometimes I see things a little differently than others and my sense of humor is sometimes “off the wall”. Keep coming back and see what happens next. Of course we ask you to check out our website at http://www.willardhyposis.com. So until the next time I put “pen to paper” we hope you remain well and continue to take positive steps in this life we all have been given.
2009©Roger & Patricia Willard
Willard Hypnosis Center
www.willardhypnosis.com
As the last couple of weeks have gone by, the weather has been very mixed. We had some nice, somewhat warm days, some very wet days and some very cold, wet days which brought some snow to the upper part of the state. It’s days like this when you don’t quite know how to dress or what to prepare for. So when we do have some nice days, I took advantage of them. I patched a hole in the side of the little Chevy we have to get it ready for inspection. It needs a little sanding and some more paint and maybe I will touch up some other spots that need a little work.
On Saturday I went to a store that specializes in gardening and bought some tulip bulbs and with another good day, I will get them in the ground. I also got a medium-sized pot and potting soil to bring home. I wanted to try something different this year. The front of our house faces north and has several maple trees that shade the front yard. There is a patch of ground between the porch and a small wrap-around sidewall about a foot wide for flowers. Since it is shaded, I was not having much luck with flowering plants there. Originally it was ivy covered and getting out of hand. Years back I ripped out the ivy and tried to have flowers grow there without much luck. I then heard that Impatiens were good in shade. So this past spring I planted Impatiens and hoped for the best. And they did great. They filled in nicely and it was the best year ever for blossoming flowers in the front of our house.
Now with winter coming and Impatiens being an annual, they will soon die off and the colors will be replaced with the dreary colors of that time of year and eventually covered by a blanket of white snow. Snow’s nice, but it’s not a bouquet of flowers. So to do something about the absence of flowers and their colors, I took a little time to dig up some of the Impatiens and plant one in the pot I just bought and put another in a pot I found on our back porch. I packed them in the potting soil, watered them and gave them a home by one of our kitchen windows.
As I have written before in our newsletter, I enjoy the time I put into the flowers around the house and the few I have in the house. Outside I am trying to put in more and more perennials since they do keep coming back year after year. But I also enjoy the summer and fall times the flowering annuals bring. I have even started saving some seeds from this year’s flowers to plant the next spring. Obviously, this does take a little forethought and planning. And over the winter, I will have a passing thought of what I might try to do the next spring with the areas I want to expand in our flowering garden. I may even get a catalog in the mail from a bulb and seed company which will encourage me to try something different.
But it is the forethought that is important. A garden just doesn’t happen. And having flowers blooming in the house over the winter just doesn’t happen either. And from just a little “thinking ahead” and a little attention throughout the winter, we will have blossoming colors to remind us that spring will not be too far away. And there is something nice about something that is just a simple hobby and not a full blown obsession to cheer you up. It’s nice have these little positive distractions to make the coldness of winter a little more warmer inside of us. It’s nice that I share this with you and others. I hope you enjoyed it.
Now this had nothing to do with hypnosis or anything related to hypnosis. It was just something to think about how I like to make my/our lives a little more enjoyable. It kind of helps to change my mindset when it needs it. You know, maybe it is hypnosis.
Roger J. Willard
Willard Hypnosis Center
www.willardhypnosis.com
About two weeks ago I was in a local convenience store to refill my soda cup and as I approached the register, the sale for the person in front of me was for one hundred and nine dollars and some odd cents. For a moment I was surprised at such a high sale. A thought passed of what in the world cost that much at the store? Gas? No, most who spend that much for gas usually use a credit card at the pump. Then it hit me and it was confirmed that she, the customer, was buying two cartons of cigarettes. She did use a credit card and did not seem to be bothered to pay so much for them. Again, I thought, wow, that’s just over $5.00 per pack. And if she smokes a pack a day, she will be back again, buying more in just twenty days.
As I paid for my drink, I wondered if she even thought about what she just did. Did she think of how much she just spent with her credit card? Would she have felt differently if she paid cash? Personally, I believe when you pay cash for something, you are more aware of the cost and have a tendency to shop a little wiser. But maybe that’s just me.
I did watch to see if she would notice my van. It has Willard Hypnosis Center in white lettering on the large side windows. It also lists our services that hypnosis can used for, one being “stop smoking”. Even on one of the back doors I have a magnetic sign highlighting, “Stop Smoking”. If she saw any of those, she didn’t show it. No pause, no curiosity, or taking of a business card that is in a holder on the side windows. Now maybe she deliberately ignored it. Maybe she did see it, but just didn’t want someone else to tell her what she should do. Maybe…… well, maybe she wants to quit, but is afraid because it is such a part of her life.
Honestly, I really don’t care if other people want to smoke. It’s their money, their lives, and their health. But if they want help, I and other hypnotists like myself, can help them. Now my indifference for those who want to smoke may seem strange, but I still believe in freedom of choice.
But I do enjoy working with people who sincerely want to stop smoking. Not only does it help them to better health, but both the clients and myself benefit in another way. They pay for my services, for which I am grateful, and for the rest of their lives, they save thousands of dollars from not buying cigarettes. This is a real win-win situation. What a great job.
Without sounding too much like a commercial, hypnosis can help people achieve amazing results. And a little secret on my part, as I guide people though the hypnotic process, while going through the process, I, too, benefit from the hypnosis along with the clients, most noticeably when I teach clients relaxation techniques. We both enter a very relaxed state of mind and body. But don’t think that there is not work on my part or any other consulting hypnotist. It’s just that we get to enjoy our work more than most.
Not only do I enjoy helping people with hypnosis, I enjoy continuing self-study that I impose on myself on a regular basis. I listen to recorded seminars and workshops from our convention of hypnotists. I read and re-read books not only on hypnosis, but many of its related techniques. And with this new information, it helps me to tweek specific wording I use with clients. It helps me to find and develop new ways to help them for their individual needs. Improving myself helps me to better help my clients. And this is as it should be because I know hypnosis works.
Epilogue: As far as blogs go, this may seem a little different from what most blog readers expect. More often than not, I reflect over things, tell stories and eventually wrap them around a particular idea, rather than list my day-to-day thoughts and activities. At times I may do more of that in between these “observations of life”. So give this a little time to digest and by the time that happens, I should have more to share. Thank you.
Roger Willard, Consulting Hypnotist
www.willardhypnosis.com
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